A thought for single dads.

By Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

Ever since the launch of Singlemomhood.com, I have received lots of Whatsapp chats from men, some of them single dads; asking why I did not include single dads and just called it " Single parenthood"? They accused me of bias, because according to them, single dads also need all the support I am seeking to provide their female counterparts! 

First of all, I must say that I felt really good at the reactions being generated by singlemomhood.com. People really believe it is apt, and should have happened sooner, and that gave me the kind of feeling you get when someone you truly respect gives you the thumbs up over a job done...especially if you weren't expecting it! its the kind of feeling I get when my Boss gives me one of  his very very hard to come by `well done`...I actually work for a perfectionist! add that  to my life as a single mom and you have the story of my life staring at you, right in the face. Lol. But, I love my super charged life, so dont even think of feeling sorry for me. Liken it to how  people who live outside of Lagos feel sorry for those of us living in Lagos because of the hustle and bustle, but, truth is, most people who live in Lagos would find any other part of Nigeria too boring to live in. 

Although  I do not have data to substantiate, but it is obvious that a large percentage of single parents are women, single dads are far less common than single moms, but, my newly discovered single dads friends told me  that, I should have thought about them too. I actually did think about them and still do, and that is why I established in our `about us` column that the entire society suffers when a family unit brakes down and that Singlemomhooh.com is not about fault finding nor is it about who is right or wrong.  I know some fantastic single fathers, who have sacrificed to raise their children after their wives either died or callously abandoned home. Don't ask me what type of woman abandons her own biological children, because I honestly do not have the answer!!! am as shocked as you are, but truth is, I know men right now and some I just recently discovered after singlemomhood.com, whose wives just got up and left to either pursue career or moved on with other men; living the bewildered man to become both mother and father to the children. Singlemomhood.com is not concerned about such callous women. We are concerned about the mothers whose marriages failed after attempts to save them. Women whose husbands have died,  and are solely catering for the children, widows who are being attacked by in-laws over their husbands' properties, and women who had children out of marriage. Most times, these women are stigmatized, either subtly or brazenly. According to Wikipedia, it has been statistically proven that lack of social support for single mothers causes them to spiral into depression. Single mothers are likely to have mental health issues, financial hardships, and live in low income areas. Studies from the 1970s showed that single mothers who are not financially stable are more likely to experience depression...depressive symptoms may be as high as 60%.
A similar study on the mental health of single mothers attempted to answer the question:
-" Are there differences in the prevalence of psychiatric disorders, between married, never married and separated/divorced mothers? Statistically, never married, and separated/divorced mothers had the highest regularities of drug abuse and personality disorder.

Some single fathers  no doubt, go through enormous stress taking care of their kids. It must be really hard. Men are not wired to `mother`, women are...since when they were little girls, strapping little dolls on their backs and placing them on their tiny laps and feeding them whatever! Its the life women are created to live, so when a man finds himself in this unfamiliar territory, it is a rude awakening!! But its not so dramatic for all though, as some men actually delight in the crash of their marriages, for such men, it is show time! Particularly if they are wealthy enough to get as many nannies as possible to care for the children, most times, snatched from their mothers as a way of punishing them for daring to cry out... So its different strokes for different folks. One thing is common though, they can never find a replacement for the mothers of those kids  and when they come to, they most certainly will ask questions. It goes both ways.

If the children left behind for the man are in their teens, it may be a bit easier, at least certainly not as difficult as it would be taking care of younger kids. Changing of diapers, making baby foods, washing, brushing their teeth and bathing them twice a day, carrying them in the car for an outing while they fight and distract you, yelling and turning the house upside down with all the energy they have. What about when they come down with fever,  washing, cleaning, pooing? School runs nko?!. No doubt, with sufficient help you can manage, but, that stage before you find your feet, searching for a good and SAFE nanny or help, can be frustrating for any man. I understand that. So, I salute all the good single dads out there!



Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe


Share your thoughts with us.