Children: victims of broken homes?

By Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

When a woman and her husband fight and go their separate ways, a whole lot of "bullshit" happen! The whole process usually throw up such unpleasantness that smears on both, it is often difficult to ascribe total victory on anyone one of them. I have been there, and am still going through the"bullshit". And I hate it.

But, most times, I dont bother about my stress, because am more concerned about my children. Their happiness, and their curiosities about the changes they are experiencing. I wonder how they are processing it all. They sometimes ask questions which I try in the best way possible to answer, but sadly, sometimes they ask these questions when Mummy dearest is in a foul mood and my...! That is why I try my best to keep off bad moods and people who seem  to often poke it.

I have read and heard of people, who turned out messed up as adults because the family set up they grew up in was screwed and damaging and they ended up damaged, emotionally and psychologically. Most men who beat up their wives today watched their father beat up their mum. I know a classic example of that. No, please am not the victim of the battery, I am not wired with the grace to wait and take beatings upon beatings, am pretty sure that such grace will never be given to me so I wont even hope for it ( know yourself no be curse abi?) I hail all the women with such grace, may they increase therein! So, having read of the possible negative impact a bad family set up could have on children, I am most times more concerned  about providing the right atmosphere for my children. and I think that that should really be a priority for all parents; coupled or separated.

Single mothers are particularly the most challenged with the responsibility of ensuring the right, safe, peaceful and happy atmosphere for their children, because most times the children are with them after the divorce, so they sacrifice more and suffer more. A single mum can NOT just get up and go without all the needed help of a good and reliable nanny(and that, by God`s grace). No matter how horny she gets, she must zip up until all the dots are checked...of course this does not necessarily apply to all; as some sisters know how to get their groove on real quick. However, most women I know are really very careful and doubtful about sexual relationships because for most of us, it is emotional and the last thing you need is another wahala! Hence the need to be very sure of who and what you are doing. I believe it is better not to have a man at all, than to have the wrong man!! But, that`s just my opinion and you are free to share yours with us at the comment section please. Of course same goes for  the single dad, it is better not to have a girlfriend than having a bad one, however, it quite obvious that for men; sometimes, no heart or emotions are needed for ACTION! They just do their thing.

The children of broken homes go through untold sufferings, be they grown up or still very young. Some wondered why they were born to people who just could not hold it together, their relationship with their father diminishes with time, if constant and regular visitations do not take place and such children may sometimes feel jealous when they see their friends and peers playing with their dads. Girls have been known to have become either hateful of men or too attracted to men because of the absence of a father in their lives. Boys on the other hand have been known to have latched unto the wrong heroes, mentors and groups, because daddy`s absence created a vacuum which they unfortunately filled with the the wrong persons. Harlem is a perfect example if you are looking far, but, here in Nigeria, you just need to care enough to find out the `WHY` about some people around you and you would be amazed at what you would find.

Yes, so, the children caught in the middle of the fight or whatever you call it between a couple whose marriage failed is my main concern. How do we keep them safe, happy and undamaged

Please share your thoughts with us.


Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe