OWN YOUR SCAR!! Part1

 My first encounter with a single mother in need was about 21 years ago at the Zawan orphanage in Plateau state. Zawan is on the outskirts of Bukuru town, very close to Jos the capital city of Plateau state. Her name was Dupe (real name), I didn’t know her surname, and it mattered little or nothing to me. I visited the orphanage there as often as I could then, sometimes weekly, to play with the orphans and read bible stories to them. I spent a night or two with them in the orphanage, so the orphanage was like a home. Sister Mary, a white woman whose country of origin I no longer remember was in charge at that time. Dupe was a young undergraduate in one of the Universities in the North (will skip the name), who got impregnated by her boyfriend. Her boyfriend told her to have an abortion but she refused. Her father sent her out of the house for bringing shame to the family. As she got really heavy with her pregnancy and could no longer remain in school, she went to the Zawan Orphanage and took shelter there. She put to birth a set of two very handsome baby boys. I Gave her the only set of Ankara material I had when she was leaving the orphanage about a year later, when her father forgave her and told her she could return home with her boys, with the condition that she must give time to taking care of them herself. I was proud of her strength, a young lady just like me showing so much strength was quite impressive to me and I was equally happy that she could return home to her family because the orphanage was not home, and could not be home to anyone in the real sense of home! But it was a home in the sense that it was safe, and they were cared for and not exposed to the dangers in the streets were they would have otherwise been. So it was their home and I became a part of the lives of those I met there( Bashir, Hauwa David Dakup etc) just as they became a part of mine until I could no longer bear the pain of not being able to do more. I was just an undergraduate and the only money I had was my pocket money, which was why I had to give Dupe my only Ankara material then.

By Maureen Mennor Nwaezigwe

 My mind flashed back to Dupe this afternoon as I began to prepare for the writing of this article and it is interesting because I had almost forgotten about her but this flashback has somewhat connected some dots for me as I ponder on how I found myself here…an advocate for single mothers! I never planned on becoming a single mother, much less being an advocate for single mothers-Lol! I got married to live “happily” ever after, like most people I guess, but I had to make a detour from “ever after” when “ever after” seemed like a very horrible road to ply at that time.

 Becoming a single mother has taught me a lot about life and has catapulted me into a whole new world of adventure. I made new friends and along the line as I met old friends who had become divorced or separated, I discovered that this is a big community of people who are stigmatized, misunderstood, and sometimes lonely and afraid (or confused). And the trouble is even worse if the woman is not financially strong, and in such a situation you can than add DEPRESSION to the list.

 According to Wikipedia, it has been statistically proven that lack of social support for single mothers causes them to spiral into depression. Single mothers are likely to have mental health issues, financial hardships, and live in low income areas. Studies from the 1970s showed that single mothers who are not financially stable are more likely to experience depression...depressive symptoms may be as high as 60%. A similar study on the mental health of single mothers attempted to answer the question: -" Are there differences in the prevalence of psychiatric disorders, between married, never married and separated/divorced mothers? Statistically, never married, and separated/divorced mothers had the highest regularities of drug abuse and personality disorder.




Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe
mennorita2020@yahoo.com
07036888042