OWN YOUR SCAR!! PART 2

                                                                                                           By Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

Let’s begin with stigma. The Foundation has had to counsel so many women who were going through trauma born out of stigma by people either close to them, or as in one particular case her “pastor” just kept preaching against getting married to the children of a woman who was no longer living with her husband. The first time the message was preached, she was so disturbed she wept for a period of time and just as she was getting over it, the so called pastor came up again to preach same thing and this time she lost it and began to fear for her children. She went into serious crises wondering if her children would have to suffer for her failed marriage when she did all she could to make her marriage work until the man stole her money and ran off, abandoning her and her children. She became discouraged and in that period, searched the internet to see if she could find any answer that could give her hope and she bumped into our website: www.singlemomhood.com. She called me, we spoke and the rest they say is history. She is strong now, happy and fully aware that her innocent children do not stand condemned because her marriage to their father failed. I see young men and ladies from broken homes get married and live good family lives. No man would reject a girl he loves because she was raised by a single mother and no lady would reject a man she wants to be with because he was raised by a single mother. May I share for free that so many successful people we admire today were raised by single mothers? Top on my list being America’s former President Barack Obama whose father only visited once at Christmas of 1971 when he was 10 years old. Another former President of the United States of America Bill Clinton, actress Halle Berry, singer Selena Gomez and actor Leonardo Dicaprio, and the list goes on.

The phenomenon of single motherhood or absentee fatherhood is not new, neither is it the ideal, but when life deals that sort of blow on you like that as a woman, you stand up to the challenge and fight for your life and that of your children. The fight of resilience! You don’t crumble and allow yourself to be bullied into depression and frustration, No! You get up, and treat the bruises so that you can heal and heal fast. And yes, in the end you get a scar or more scars, but they are on you, so own them. Do not be ashamed, because then you give bullies and loafers opportunities to deal you more blows and seriously speaking you cannot afford that. So what if your husband died while your children are still very young and you are left alone and lonely to navigate through the storms of life with your children? Fight! So what if your marriage failed and you are the only one in your family with a broken home in a society where it is seen as a “taboo”? Fight! So what if you stumbled and got pregnant out of marriage when you should have known better? Fight! Fight, fight and do not stop moving. Keep moving because you have not yet arrived, so don’t let a bump on the way to your destination stop you from getting there. Just dress the wounds properly, heal fast enough so it does not get infested with depression, alcoholism, drugs, more mistakes, self hate and condemnation, and lack of will to continue living. Go for that course or training. Go shopping, make your hair and take a trip. Read new books, watch movies, make new friends. Try a new investment idea, change careers…keep moving.

Scars according to the dictionary are a natural part of the body’s healing process. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues. So those scars that are being mocked become trophies that show that you are a survivor, a conqueror who overcame. When tomorrow comes and you look back to all that you have survived, your scars will shine! Wherever Dupe is today, her children would have become 21 years in age and am almost sure that in her heart, none of the shame, pains or sufferings she endured when she owned her scars years ago and refused to take the easy route out would compare to the joy of seeing her children and hearing them call her “Mummy".

Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

mennorita2020@yahoo.com

07036888042