HAPPILY EVER AFTER: IDEALISTIC OR REALISTIC?

                                                By Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

OK! Let’s take this slow, bearing in mind the level of sentiments that this topic can evoke. What really is a happy marriage? When do couples come down from the “moon” to the “earth”? Is there a definition for it or is it different strokes for different folks?  Does that hyperbolic phrase that ends fairy tales apply to real life love stories or should people drop that fairly tale mentality and get real? It seems that being “happily married” evolves or should evolve with the years. I mean, when you initially got married as a young person, your impressions of a happy marriage (if ever you had one) would shift as you begin to experience the marriage itself. As a young person getting married, you were probably with your heads in the clouds, occupied with the frenzied countdown to the D-day,  getting it done with and out of the way; to think deeply about what you were about to get into. Or you simply never gave it a thought. But whether given a thought to or not, marriages are usually contracted to last a lifetime (except of course for few abnormally exceptional cases where either the bride or the groom have hidden agendas to crash it after awhile for very selfish and wicked reasons). Although I have come to also learn that marriage means different things to different people, the terms and conditions differ from one tribe and culture to another and very interestingly too. Some cultures believe in polygamy while some do not. Some believe that unless you paid bride price on a lady you have not married her; while some find the whole concept of bride price laughable. Some believe that “ once you give woman bele, she don become your wife, while some do not…in fact if you like born seven children, without bride price on your head, you are just a live-in-lover or a concubine’!

According to Chris Colfer “anyone can have a once-upon-a-time or a happily-ever-after, but it’s the journey between that makes the story worth telling” but am not entirely in agreement with Colfer here, I think that while ALMOST anyone can have a once upon a time, NOT everyone can have a happily ever after, because it is the journey between that determines that. Almost anyone can get married but not everyone gets married, some by choice and some by chance. Not everyone wishes to be married and not everyone should be married, in order words; not everyone is wired for marriage or destined for marriage. I will like to start expatiating on the note  that, ‘for there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” who is a eunuch? The Greek translation, eunouchos, means (1) Chamberlain, keeper of the bedchamber of an eastern ruler, (2) a castrated person, or one who voluntarily abstains from marriage.

So before you call me a heretic for saying that not everyone is wired for marriage, just know  that I have the greatest teacher of all time, the Lord Jesus Christ with me on this, check Him out in Matthew 19:12 ( the holy Bible) if you don’t have one, you can Google it for free. Marriage is not for everyone, simple!, Some do not have sexual desires because they were born that way, while some were made that way by men and some choose to remain sexually inactive so that they can pursue the things of God.

But if you believe that you are one of those who should be married and you get into it, you owe it to yourself, your spouse, society and the offsprings of the marriage to make it work. When you embark on the ‘once upon a time’, you must make the journey between worth the efforts, make it worth the while so that you can arrive at your ‘happy ever after’. Start by making sure that you are compatible with the person you are starting that journey with and be willing to put in efforts to keep the relationship strong. I can almost hear you asking: ‘well Maureen if you knew that much, why did yours fail?” truth is, I didn’t know as much as I do now about compatibility for sure.  Guilty as charged! May we proceed? Thank you.

Find the route that works for you. Marriage is really a very beautiful thing; I have seen some who just have it all so sweet, so sweet. But, most who have been married long enough would quickly let you in on the fact that is was never a bed of roses all the way, they endured a lot to have it locked down for so long. They cried many times. They fought many times. Some even moved out of the house one or two times or more! But as the years rolled by, they learnt to respect each other’s feelings more, they learnt to love more, to submit more, to sacrifice more, to overlook more, some even learnt to play the ostrich just to save the marriage they have held together for years and not let one small girl from nowhere come in and scatter what would have been a home for the offsprings of their union- especially if ground wet well well, abi oo!!

Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

mennorita2020@yahoo.com

07036888042