DATING AGAIN.
By Maureen mennor nwaezeigwe
DATING AGAIN
When you have been a devoted wife and mother for the past
couple of years (depending on how long your marriage lasted), it becomes really
hard to see yourself mingling or dating again. For those who are conscious of
their body, it is even harder because they tend to worry about the effects that
pregnancy and child birth have had on their body. The expanded waistline (depending),
the stretch marks (for those who got them), and the general process of getting
to know someone new and exposing themselves, sharing personal and private stuffs
with a stranger who may or may not be worth it. It is even worst for the shy
type.
Many years ago, I knew a lady in her early thirties who dated
a man for a couple of years with the thought that marriage was in view, they
lived together as lovers for years until the guy got a visa to travel abroad.
She was excited. She believed that once he settled down in the foreign land, he
would send for her and they would get married. But that was not to be, because,
as soon as the guy landed ‘the abroad’, he sent her a message to forget about
him and look for another man that would marry her! You can’t imagine the state
she was in when she shared this with me at the then Bar Beach, in Victoria
Island where we hung out that day. Devastated she asked: “how am I going to
start all over again? "How do I compete with all those slim younger girls?" She was
on the plump side." How do I start dressing to attract a man?" Her pain was
severe. She was smoking furiously as if each puff of smoke would take her pains
along with them as she exhaled them. I felt sorry for her but I didn’t know how
to help her, however I did not hesitate to tell her that the cigarettes were
obviously not helping!
Getting back into the dating game can be quite a huge source
of discomfort for quite a lot people, but I think that worrying about it is the
first mistake that people make about it in the first place. I mean worrying
about it just sort of creates room for frustration about the whole thing. Me
think that you either decide that you want to start dating again or you decide
that you don’t or are not ready for it, and you chill and do the things you are
interested in doing at the moment, that give you happiness, pleasure and
fulfilment. It is not a must to start dating now. You are not and must not feel
pressured, after all, you have been married before, and so what are you trying
to prove? Unlike before your first marriage, this time, people won’t ask you
that annoying question: “ah! When are we coming to eat your rice oo!”? Neither
would family members remind you of your friends or relatives that were already getting
married before you, so don’t pressure yourself now… when there is no pressure.
You can actually be alone and love it. You will be amazed at
how much of yourself you lost to your last relationship. How much of you was
broken, lost or silenced; if you were in an abusive relationship. Take time to
be alone and discover your voice again. You can now express your thoughts
without being told that you are dumb and stupid. Discover YOU again. Remember
how to laugh again. My goodness!!! Live again and be free. And when you have
fully rediscovered your sweet self and enjoy your own company, make
friends…hang out from time to time with friends you are comfortable with.
Carefully chose who you hang out with and don’t be a hang out freak either. Know
when to draw the line, dress decent and never present yourself as cheap and
desperate. Be comfortable in your skin and tell yourself that you are enough.
When you eventually zero it down to one, it will be
effortless. Let’s discuss that later.
Maureen Mennor
Nwaezeigwe
07036888042
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