DATING AGAIN 2

                                                By Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

                                

There is a very dumb question that some men ask ladies during courtship these days that makes one miss the men of our mothers’ days. Men that fought whatever battles were necessary in order to win the heart and hand of the girl they desired to marry. My father, late Mr. Paul Nwaezeigwe, his brothers, and cousins fought a rival, his brothers and cousins over my mother. I always listened with great excitement whenever uncle Chukwudebe  would tell me the story of the ‘ Nwaezeigwe boys and the boys of the other family’, he was the youngest among  them and whenever we had the opportunity for such chats, he would sometimes remember that story and tell it to me with so much excitement as he relived his childhood through the tale of the love conquest of the Nwaezeigwe brothers, when they supported their brother ( my father), against his rival over my mother…the beautiful Gold Uche Adiefe, who would later become Mrs Nwaezeigwe. The sweet love story from which this writer was born as the last baby of the house.

However the men of today (some of them), would go after a lady and in the course of courting her, ask the very dumb question:  "so what are you bringing to the table?!!!” And it seems to me that my dismay for such thoughtlessness can best be expressed in the broken English spoken in Nigeria and most eloquently among my people of the Delta State region…you wey waka go meet woman, you pass other women, waka go meet her; na wetin you go find? It is almost like calling an unknown number and then instead of introducing yourself as the caller, you ask “hello, who is this?” I know that every man looks for that one person to complement him (as only he knows how he wants to be complemented) and a helpmate (in ways that only he knows what areas need help in his life) and so knowing all these and having done his homework, he should have told himself the exact type of woman he needs and should look for such. For instance, some men are looking for financial helpmate and they are the ones that would tell a woman, that while he brings 50% she must also bring 50% or 60/40 depending on his level of poverty. Some may out rightly just look for sugar mummies to just be sweet bom boys to. Another man may just need a good homemaker who would transform his lonely house into a clean, warm home filled with love, healthy warm meals, a sweet companion who would have his back always, take care of his children if he has them and if they are still young enough to live with him, be a good host to his guests, be accommodating to his family members and friends…whether she works, runs a business or just keeps busy with something that is useful is something to be agreed upon based on his need.

Therefore ladies, the process of zeroing it down to one involves the ‘elimination’ processes!!! Just as the man should know what he should be looking for in his search for a wife, you as the woman must know what your needs are. What should the man who qualifies to have your hands in marriage be? I believe in praying to God about everything now, I mean after messing up the first time and also with all that I have seen of many marriages around, one really needs to apply all necessary precautions a second time around and borrow sense if possible. You need love, care, honour and peace while he needs reverence, adoration, love and peace. I have come to realize that the first thing a woman should look for in a man after his spirituality, is if he is a man that she can esteem highly enough to reverence. If you can reverence him, he will be happy and pleased with you. It means you look up to him, he is more than you, greater than you and stronger than you. And if he is worthy of reverence, that means he must have also attained some level of success in his life endeavors and would not be one of those respect thirsty freaks who demand respect with fury: “I am the man in this house bla bla bla etc.” type, trust me such type are very toxic. Inferiority/superiority complex are terrible toxins. And if you are my type of woman (feminine, soft and loves to be pampered and taken care of?), the next thing to consider is his financial status. In this stage of your life, you cannot be stupid enough to consider ‘Mr. Potential’ because he should by now have become ‘Mr. Action” ( Ref.: Dr. Myles Munroe). Girl, if you have children to take care of, you need a helper in the form of husband!!!

LOOK OUT FOR PART THREE OF THIS SUBJECT.

Maureen Mennor Nwaezeigwe

07036888042

Mennorita2020@yahoo.com