Poly poly gamy

 Maureen Mennor Nwaezigwe

This good old tradition or practice is losing points so rapidly lately. No longer popular in the 21st century, polygamy still exists, but in the shadow of the more modern monogamy. Very few people and cultures practice it today, except for people whose religious beliefs make it acceptable. Christianity does not really allow for it, especially if the man in question desires to be a deacon"...he must be the husband of one wife..." the Bible says.  My research shows that only about 2% of the global population lives in polygamous households, and in the vast majority of countries, that share is under 0.5%.

In Nigeria, the Igbos in the past had polygamies as a way of life, but with the widespread of Christianity among the Igbos it gradually became almost extinct, to the point that it is near impossible to see a polygamous Igbo family today. I recently saw a video which I shared, of an Igbo lady clamouring for the return of polygamy; she did not look nor sound like a Christian and that video alone is a confirmation of the extinction of polygamies among the Igbos, hence the effort by that lady to seek its return. The story is almost same among the Yoruba people of Western Nigeria. In the core North of the country, it is still being practiced in full swing. In the South, it used to also be a thing, especially among the Urhobos, but am not sure they still practice it as before.

Three cases of polygamy gone wrong are making the news currently...one from the South West, the other from the South South while the most recent is from the North. My opinion? I don't know if I have an opinion on this. But the whole scenarios playing out is giving one food for thought. Did it really work in the past as believed or claimed, or did the  women  endure it because of how helpless they were? 

It is a bit hard to generalize on this issue. I used to have a friend during my university days in Jos( she was like a sister to me), she was bisexual and I remember she told me that she could not imagine being shagged regularly by a man, in fact,  she said she would encourage any man she would end up marrying to get a side chic. Yea, that was her. Is she the only woman on earth with such a thought? I don't know. But it goes to show that it is different strokes for different folks. What I know however is that, when a woman loves, is in love and has strong feelings for her husband, she would not want to share his affection, time, penis, money etc. with another woman, but, if she is not in love with her husband, or is tired of the man, probably because of his bad character; the woman would not mind renting him out either for free or for a fee... this one I know for a fact. Gbam!!! In fact when such a husband travels, it would feel like " Christmas", not because the woman has plans to cheat, but because of the joy, peace  and pleasure of not having him around. 

This issue of polygamy is a delicate one. It is a matter of choice and or faith. If a lady believes she can share a man with other women, and not feel jealous, neglected or lonely. If she is ready to fight the battles that come with some polygamous families as we have heard. The decision is hers to make. But, if she is the type that cannot handle the sight of her man with another woman, wearing (uniform or and co), if she cannot handle seeing her man giving another woman the same seat she sat, if she cannot handle being alone in bed at night knowing fully well that her husband is in fact 100% in bed with another woman that she knows; kissing her and doing things to her that she should be the one being done to, instead of being alone in bed hugging pillows. If she knows that she does not want to be just a  number on the list of the women in the life of her man...the man she loves, the man her heart beats for, the man she goes to bed thinking about...then she should know that polygamy is not her calling.

I also do not understand it, when a lady gets married to a man that is married to other wives and begins to feel neglected, jealous or maltreated, when the man marries another wife after her and shifts attention. Did she forget when she herself was the latest bride and had the man's major attention? She should have prepared for what is to come. She cannot blame the man. She knew from the start that he had other existing wives and could marry another, if she couldn't handle the heat, she should not have stepped into the kitchen in the first place.

Know yourself no be curse o. 

Share your thoughts on this issue please, but without mentioning names, we discuss issues here not people.